Five Minute Friday: Grateful

It's not Friday anymore, but I wrote based on the Five Minute Friday prompt, so be sure to stop by Lisa-Jo's place and see what others are writing in five minutes on the word:

Grateful

I tried so hard to go into Mother's Day Weekend with low expectations because even though I'm a mom, it is NOT all about me. Thankfully, I did pretty well --not perfect, mind you, there was one little hissy fit Saturday night... but I regrouped and went to bed before 9 o'clock because I was achy, tired, and cranky, and not feeling very grateful; even though it had been an amazing day, including a new flower garden space, prepping for the veggie garden, a late lunch at Texas Roadhouse and the afternoon/evening spent out on the porch swing ... (how is that for an awful run-on sentence?)

Sunday morning began with whispers and rustling in the hallway well before 7 AM. {smile} But Wes restrained them and gave some guidance. At 7 AM, I was greeted with hot coffee, a poptart, and four eager children with PILES of Mother's Day creations!

They had been busy!

Each one was adorable and amazing and created with an unconditional love that I can be so underserving of. My heart just exploded a little bit more with each one I got to look at and read.


There was kid writing from my kindergartner that could have used an interpreter,

the masterpieces from my one and only son including a pop up handmade card,

and the handprint in cement because my Ella has a fantatstic first grade teacher...

But then there was the work of art from my 9 year old --- her creation, combined with her words (she's gonna be my writer) just summed up my life, my relationship with my kids, and our unconditional love for each other in the middle of all the messes and all the mistakes!

I am so grateful!



What are you grateful for ?
 Grateful...

grateful for

new flower gardens
steak for lunch
sunshine
the porch swing
coffee and a poptart in bed
kids creative painting and cards
artwork
marinated veggies on the grill
unconditional love
messes and mistakes
seeing Jesus in my kids

 

Five Minute Friday: Joy

Just jumping right into Five Minute Friday today (on Monday) because sometimes even when you say you are going to take a blogging break, then you just find the time to write... and you can't stop at five minutes! ;)

I hear the word "Joy" and I think of a little song I remember singing growing up, "there is joy in serving Jesus..."

When I became a mom four times over in less than five years, I kinda forgot how to serve with joy. Every need, every cry, every sickness began to wear on me and sap me of any joy that might have been there ... because having kids made me see how selfish I really am. It's a learning process and it's taking me a whole lot longer than I wanted to find the joy in serving my family, in responding right to interruptions and seeing them as opportunities, in finding joy in the moments of sheer exhaustion.

While I haven't shared my whole story, if you know me at all you might know that I've struggled to find the joy in mothering. It's been a process of two steps forward, two steps back and it's easy to let the devil have the victory and focus on each step backwards...

But just this week I had a step forward moment and God rewarded me liberally and it filled my heart with joy.  Thanks for grace as I focus on the step in the right direction and share my little story.

Backstory: I do NOT like to have my sleep interrupted. Once I was done nursing my babies, I was done responding to middle of the night cries. My brain, once woken, couldn't shut back down and it was easier to ignore the cries than deal with sleepless nights. Thankfully, God gave me kids that sleep really well and a husband that responds, helps kids out, and is snoring again less then 60 seconds later. (My kids even go to his side of the bed now if they need something)

My 8 YO has been fighting a cold/sinus thing all week that was thankfully responding well to sudafed and tylenol. But one night I forgot to give her medicine before bed and somewhere around 2:30 I heard her get up, go to the bathroom and return to bed all without bothering me ... and then I heard her blowing and blowing and blowing, and the battle in my mind began.

My five minutes are well over so I'll skip the long battle because God gave me the victory. That is the only way I would have gotten out of bed. I was so tired, I could only open one eye. I checked on her and told her we should do medicine and stumbled my way to the kitchen. She climbed out of bedand followed   me, so I hardly had to do any work. She took her medicine, drank some water and then said "I'm sorry, mommy." and I curiously asked, "For what?!" She hugged me and said, "For waking you up."

And in that moment my heart broke a little bit, but also healed together with a flood of joy that I made the right choice to help my little girl.

Yes, it did take me over an hour to fall back asleep and yes, the rest of the night was restless and I woke up feeling exhausted ... but my girls extended grace for every outburst I had as they readied for school and then I read some of the following verses in my quiet time...

John 15:12-13 "This is my commandment, that ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Romans 5:8 "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Ephesians 5:2 "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour."

Galatians 5:13b "...by love serve one another."


Part of life is fighting for joy and I do that by counting the gifts that God gives me every day (or at least every day that I remember)...

* baby steps in success
* medicine
* unconditional love from my kids
* hugs in the middle of the night
* God's daily grace
* Scripture
* writing without worrying if it's just right
* breaking the time limit for 5 minute Friday ;)

so I'm also linking up with Ann Voskamp on Multitudes on Monday because I need to constantly fight for joy!

Behind the Scenes of a quiet blog

The blog has been quiet for two weeks. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I knew it was inevitable. #31days of Chocolate in October burned me out, as well as life in general. ... and I had other things on my to-do list and no motivation or discipline to prioritize.

Blogging hit the bottom of the list.

I did however, write the following for Five Minute Friday a few weeks ago... and it's still how I'm feeling. I wrote it out in ink on paper on that Friday and never got it posted on the blog. So I'm typing it now to remind myself of the TRUTH...

The truth is I almost wrote to say I was throwing in the towel and just quitting on blogging. It's not working for me right now. My writing, my dreaming, my thoughts are all a-jumble and I can't make sense of it all and I can't tell what is truth and what is lies.

I seek the truth in which direction I'm supposed to go, which dream I'm supposed to pursue, and then fear and doubt and busyness creep in and make me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Some days it feels like I'm drowning and I can't catch my breath.

And then I hop in the van for kindergarten pick up and turn my radio on --it's a gift, this radio, because music is a gift and I heard this song... and these lyrics resonated with me...

"Whatever you do, just don't look back,
Somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark."

Because the truth is, I've been pushing back on the dark for years now ---and it's that season when the dark comes fast and hard and long and my arms are tired of pushing and I'm not even sure my light is big enough to share with someone, I don't even know who needs it.

And on Monday, I'm all ready to choose joy and count the gifts and the devil comes in and says "no way, not on my watch" and he reminds me of all my failures and how I should be doing this and I should be doing that and when I strain to find the light and give it to others, he pushes back with more dark.

Maybe I'm supposed to stop blogging entirely.
Maybe I'm supposed to take a break for two weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months...
Maybe I'm supposed to leave this blog behind, forget about it and start a new work...

Truth is, I just want somebody to tell me what to do ... Can I be a kid again?


So behind the scenes of this quiet blog has been some canning (applesauce, pears, apple pie filling), card making (delightful Christmas card making), time with friends and family, and a whole lot of wasting time, too.

And still the counting of the gifts...

~robins in the backyard... in November
~making cards... and listing them in my shop
~sharing a gingerbread latte with Wes
~fresh sheets on the bed
~"grace like rain falls down on me"
~music, music, music
~fresh bread (from the bread machine)
~free pears (which I finally canned)
~the beauty of dried corn fields
~counting pennies with my baby girl for homework
~sipping hot tea
~bacon
~purging my closet space
~Rotiserrie turkey
~apple crisp for breakfast
~talking to my dad
~praying with a friend
~laundry, laundry, laundry
~pre-registering for another semester of higher education...
~quiet in the library
~glorious sunrise
~real maple syrup
~free earrings
~making more cards!!!

Community Conversation: What's on your to-do list today? and What are you thankful for?

My cup runneth over

When you have a day that you think you don't need Grace and God shows you otherwise, you start thinking about the grace and the gifts that keep coming, even when you aren't counting them. And when you get all negative and pessimistic and your friend tells you, "You really are doing a good job, you are improving, you just need to start taking note." And when it's November, the month of giving thanks and you know that there are NO coincidences in God's writing of your story, then you STOP and take note...

Here's what I wrote in my journal on Friday... "November seems as good a time as any to start counting again, to notice the gifts, to celebrate the little successes. Focusing on the positives and keeping the glass, not just half-full, but FULL and overflowing because in Christ, my cup runneth over."

So I opened my gratitude journal (started over a year ago, but laying stagnant for some time) and I began to count again.

It's funny when I look at my list and think that some of these things are "shallow" thanks... because how many times can you be thankful for homemade pizza and hot tea (or coffee) and sunshine and jewelry that makes me smile and pancakes...

But the truth of the matter is, just like we can never have too much grace, we can never have too much thanks. Because when you stop being thankful for the everyday things, the discontent begins to grow and the negativity settles in and the joy disappears and your cup is half empty... or bone dry.

~A new recipe... Chocolate Brownies from Bread and Wine
~making homemade pizza for dinner
~drinking pumpkin spice tea
~Saturday morning traditions of pancakes
~Freeset bangles
~mild temperatures and bright sunshine
~the colors of autumn
~playing Scattegories with friends
~a clean kitchen
~being my 5YO's "favorite mommy"
~clean laundry
~reading time with the little ones
~endless supply of hugs and kisses from my kids

and I'm counting again! And I'm thankful that my cup runneth over!

Is your cup running over? What are you thankful for today?

When you lose your temper and God redeems

Right now, my head is pounding, like I almost can't see straight and if the ibuprofen doesn't kick in soon this blog post might not happen. But the feelings are fresh and there is grace in the writing, so I write. And I find the gifts in the writing, so many gifts, today.

 


It started this morning before 8am... BEFORE 8AM!!!!  I was on a roll, cleaning out the fridge, making myself a quick breakfast (ya know, put on your own oxygen mask before you help those around you kind of thing) and all of a sudden, four kids who had been happily playing and reading without me all rushed me at once. One is starving, one needs help, one just needs mommy, one is looking for her lost tattoos... and I kinda lost it.

Especially when the one with the lost tattoos was told... "They must have gotten thrown out and No, you aren't digging in the trash after them, I just cleaned out the fridge...." She's my give-100%-in-everything kind of girl--even minor tragedy.  Can I ask how long is healthy for a child to cry, weep, mourn over temporary tattoos?  Because I had no sympathy, and the more she cried the more frustrated I got. It wasn't pretty!

After a couple of false starts, I was fed, they were fed, they got dressed, and I prepared for an errand day--not what I wanted to do with 4 kids, but desperately needed... Aldi, Target, Wegmans, the library...  Word to the wise--if you are planning a day like this, be ready to leave before 9 AM, don't wait until it's past 10:30 to finally get loaded into the van. (not that I speak from experience or anything).

I breathed deeply, I prayed hard, even if it was one of those "worry prayers" Ann Voskamp talked about. I knew this had to be done, I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I wasn't praying for perfect kids, I was praying for a right response from their very imperfect mother. I was armed with a reminder to be gentle from Holley Gerth and these verses in John 20:30-31 ... I could truly live LIFE through Jesus Name.

And we were off after a quick phone call with a friend who we were trying to connect with at the library... may the stars align just perfect for timing, please?

Now, I love Aldi-- in and out, few choices to make, only a handful of rows to walk through... BUT they recently renovated and rearranged my Aldi, making it difficult to find a few things. AND they have been out of their Fit and Active Granola the last 2 times I've been in there... gonna get desperate soon!  But we made it without major incident!

Then on to Target, where I purchased at least 3 items that upon returning home, I found in my pantry shelves... horrible planning on my part, but I'm stocked now, right!  The hardest part of this trip was the dreaded shopping-for-a-birthday-party-present-for-a-friend moment with the child who LOVES to give... and for which money is no concept... WHat? I have a budget? I can only spend HOW MUCH? what does that mean? Does that mean I can't get this collection of Disney princesses for $80??!?!  Oh, but I breathed deeply and gave her a time limit... and kept the clock ticking and gave a final --- "choose between these two items, please" and we were on our way.

Getting hungry by now, but horribly tired of fast food after the crazy summer we have had, I decided lunchables from Wegmans would be the way to go for the kids, while I would order a quick sub from the Market Cafe. Piece of cake... blessed all the way around, even though my head started spinning as I helped assemble mini pizzas and tiny chicken tacos! I was going down... Wkids to the rescue!! Did you know that Wegmans has this AWESOME childcare option for potty trained kids 3-8! Drop your kid off in the little play area and they color, play with blocks, watch movies and have fun while MOM shops in quiet!! Ahhh, delightful!! 

and would you believe, that they got tattoos at the Wkids... the exact one that she lost this morning! (#1000gifts) ... and then another one at the library reading program! Yes, God cares for little girls, even when it's a tattoo!!

I met up with said library friend at Wegmans, she had shopping, too! My son is too old for the Wkids, so her boy and my boy got to shop with us, they entertained each other while we chatted and shopped! More delight!  Then I bought a bag of ice for the coolers I remembered to throw in my trunk. We packed our groceries, chilled them and headed to the library.

This post is getting as long as my day was. We survived the library, also with minimal freakouts, but my head was starting to pound. It had been a full day of sensory overload for me... and was now nearing 5:00! WOW, what a day.

Home to unload groceries and make dinner... I did a copout and made Macaroni and Cheese... from a box... Wegmans brand! And everyone was happy and the kids watched a movie and I cleaned up the kitchen and cleaned up clutter in my bedroom, and cleaned up piles and piles of books that were collecting but not being read (really, I just moved all the piles to the basement so they couldn't be seen...) and my bedroom looks so much more peaceful!

And said movie was taking longer than I thought it should, and I was ready for the kids to be in BED! Dear Husband had left (before 8AM) for work and had a meeting after work and we hadn't seen him all day... and I hadn't received the "on my way home" text, yet. I had had a long day and it was time to punch out (why is it that moms don't get a time card?? Oh yeah, because we are heros, champions... real!) and some how even though I asked a million times for the books to be picked up and shoes to be put away and potty runs to be taken, when it was time for bed, those things still weren't done... And I lost it... and there was yelling... and then deep breaths and another walk through what needed to be done and a final, GET IN YOUR BED!

Then I calmly got up, gave good night kisses, spent a moment with each kid talking about their favorite things of the day and tucking them in, turning out the lights and closing the doors and coming out to write and count the gifts... and I've only had 3 interruptions while writing said post... all handled in a calm, cool, collected fashion.

And so on Monday night before I crawl into bed, I count the gifts.

~food to eat
~coffee every morning
~spending time in God's Word
~LIFE in Jesus
~Christian radio stations
~a van for running errands
~coolers for groceries
~said groceries
~the $1 section at Target
~allergy medicine
~lunchables at Wegmans
~childcare while shopping
~friends
~fresh fruits and veggies
~a bag of ice for $1.89
~library books
~free movies from the library
~mac and cheese from a box
~temporary tattoos
~iced coffee
~medicine for headaches
~bedtime
~writing
~blogposts that encourage
~hubby returning home safe

If you are still with me after that extremely long journal entry...

Community Conversation: What's the most kids you have ever taken grocery shopping? How many stores did you stop at? How has God redeemed one of your bad days?

This Moment: #LoveNotesFromGod

{this moment}

A Friday ritual (on Saturday). A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

inspired by Soule Mama

My camera has been lying dormant for far too long... and the quality of my Instragram shots is less than desirable... But it's still good to pause, savor and remember! 

Community Conversation: Have you had any #lovenotesfromGod lately?

Content in whatsoever state I am

 

The sun came out this past week! It was a beautiful thing and I gave thanks... It disappeared on Thursday and I struggled to give thanks. It didn't help that my husband decided that 3 warm days in a row determined that it was Spring enough to turn the heat off, so my toes were freezing all day. (Thankfully, we turned it back on) But this is Monday, a sharing of the multitudes of gifts that God has given me... not a time for complaining.

I told you last week I was going to start counting the gifts again, recording them, remembering them, re-reading them. I had some good days and bad ones.  We have had some serious ugly at our house lately. The selfishness, whining, complaining, temper fits have abounded! I'll be honest... it hasn't JUST been my kids. and I wonder??? HOW??? HOW??? HOW do I teach them to respond correctly, in the Spirit, when I keep falling short?

How do I correct and instruct one minute and then turn around and do the same thing in the next minute? How do I live out an attitude of gratitude in all things?

How do I teach them? ... in whatsoever state I am therewith to be content.

When your sister gets the toothbrush you want.

When your brother's brownie is bigger than yours.

When you have to unload the dishwasher.

When you have to take a bath.


I'm still figuring it out. We give thanks at the end of our day, trying to remember our favorite things. But sometimes I get discouraged when they just answer "Everything" even when they just got disciplined for fighting with their sibling, or moaning and groaning about there awful math homework. And I get discouraged because they are just giving me generic answers, not really thinking about it.

And then I pull out my gratitude journal... the one I said I was going to dust off and start using again, and I realized I'm guilty of the same thing in that I only wrote the gifts for TWO days before it got lost on the shelf again!

So, I skim my twitter feed and give thanks that I'm better and sharing my gifts with the world instead of writing them in a book and pondering them in my heart... and I write!

~my Eastern Bluebird returning
~Salvation Army 1/2 price day... with a friend
~lots of "new" clothes for me and the kids
~coffee date with hubby
~listening to my kindergartener read
~my girls dancing in the living room
~mismatched socks
~homemade pizza
~chili cook-off with great friends
~laughter, uncontrollable laughter
~seeing a LARGE black bear lumbering across the road


I fall down in the counting off the gifts and I get back up again!!
What are YOU thankful for today?

Five Minute Friday: After

So I said on Thursday that I would be back on Friday for Five Minute Friday and here it is on Sunday night and I wasn't here on Friday.  Kinda funny because the prompt is After... and I was gonna blog, but then it became after I do my reading for Brit Lit, and after I do some housework and laundry, and then it became after dinner and after errands and after movie night with my husband and after a day spent at a Pistol Training Course... then it was after church and after lunch and after more reading for Brit Lit.

And I've got nothing left in the after...

But I will try: AFTER

I participated in the JoyDare last year. I wrote and counted and I kept track and I blogged about this JoyDare and I kept counting and counting my #1000gifts. Then I reached 1000gifts through the Joy Dare in 2012. and I kept counting in my JoyDare journal... but somewhere along the way I missed a day or two, which became a week or two, which became a month or two... or three.

AND I pulled out my journal today, and saw that it had been THREE whole months since I had written down a gift, even one gift! Not that I hadn't seen the gifts or made a mental note of them. They were there, some big, some little, some in the moment, some I saw after.

But I didn't write them down. I have nothing to go back to remember and review. I realized that I'm a little pathetic and I need a little bit of accountability to keep at this. So I'm joining back in with Ann Voskamp's counting of the 1000 gifts and sharing the Multitudes on Monday.

Because I need it! Because after 3 months of not counting, I'm starting to get a little more negative, maybe a lot more negative. Because when you aren't counting the gifts, taking note of the good stuff, somehow the focus just naturally goes to the hard stuff, the negative... and after three months of that, I'm ready to count the gifts again...

Count with me?

~starting again
~knowing there were 100s of gifts given, even when I wasn't recording
~grace
~the promise of spring
~sunshine
~a loaf of pumpkin bread in the freezer
~school lunches made the night before

Joy Dare: 1000 and counting

ONE THOUSAND EIGHTY FIVE....

Yep that's the number I ended on in my last post of the counting of the #1000gifts!! I think that makes it a pretty good year, especially considering there are a ton more gifts that I didn't actually write down or count but I know that my God was still gifting me, every single day!!

I've jumped back on the Joy Dare and am making a sincere effort to get them written down in my 1000 gifts journal. I am trying to share them on twitter every day and I want to finish out the year with you all here.

So I keep counting...

1086.  the quiet of libraries

• Frostys from Wendys
• Prayers of friends
• good sleep
• red barns decorating winter landscapes
• having a mentor and friend
• Dove Dark Chocolates wrapped in red
• Having my husband home again after 4 days away
• a new small camera
• some free write poetry in my last Five Minute Friday of 2012
• 3 deer meandering through my back field... always a treat to see

• Fridays!!!

JoyDare WHITE:

• snowflake ornaments
• ice cream for homemade eggnog
• Christmas lights;
  
  JoyDare BRIGHT:
• our new Christmas tree lights

• smiles on my kids' faces decorating the tree
• singing "Gloria, Emmanuel"
  
  JoyDare SHINING: 
• seeing heavy AM fog as birthday hug from God
• needing sunglasses later in the day
• my kids singing "Happy Birthday" to me
• pizza and wings for birthday dinner!!
• hugs from my kids... and everyday gift
• daily battle to crown Him as King of my life
• desire to craft cards
  
  JoyDare SILVER:
• tinsel on the tree
• hearing "Silver Bells"
  
  JoyDare SWEET: 
• kisses from my kids (and my husband)
• drinking Southern Pecan @AvodahCoffee
• Christmas cookies I want to make!
  
  JoyDare from SAVIOR
• redemption; 
• unconditional love; 
• new mercies every morning
  
• hung--handmade ornament wreath;

• held--frosted Christmas cookies and coffee mug; 
• heard--Christmas carols
  
  ugly beautiful: 
• cookies frosted by kids;

• crazy Christmas lines; 
• creative use of leftovers
  
  JoyDare Artwork Unframed:
• huge flock of birds against gray sky backdrop

• kids artwork on the fridge
• handmade card ideas stuck in my head

and now I'm at 1127... and I keep counting!!

 

what are you thankful for in this Christmas season?

November Joy Dare

Life seems to get busier as we near the end of the year and sometimes in my busyness, I forget to count the gifts. One week, I didn't write a single thing in my notebook, but it did my heart good to go back and count and search and dig and find, gifts abundant.

So here it is, my praise song to Jesus. Thank you for the gifts, the graces, the blessings this November...
(without any pictures because my blog storage is full... help???)


JoyDare N
983. nest ring (which has since broken... must re-glue)
984. nice neighbors
985. naps
986. Nutella on toast

987. my hubby cleaning and reorganizing the fridge after hurricane Sandy
988. pizza for dinner
989. early night time

990. sax addition to church worship team
991. "Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe!"
992. encouraging words and hugs
993. groceries and laundry

JoyDare (acorn small)
994. spark of electricity flowing through my house
995. coffee cream in my cup
996. the hearts of my kids

997. bacon
998. Christmas music, early
999. the right to vote
1000. freedom of religion
1001. God's sovereignty
1002. sunshine, glorious sunshine
1003. morning snack with Sienna

1004. always thankful for the view out my window.
1005. reading/studying Amos
1006. writing critique from my BBT friends (masterminds :)
1007. heat in my van and house

• SWEET: Dove Dark chocolate
• SALTY: tortilla chips w/ salsa
• SIPPED: coffee
• strawberry jam
• discipline brings a harvest of righteousness
• grace
• the excitement of first wiggly teeth
• writing
• Five Minute Friday

• sleeping in
• pancakes made by my sweet husband!
• kitchen cleaned by the kids and hubby
• Col. 1:12 Giving thanks unto the Father, who hath delivered us from power of darkness
• Col. 1:17 He is before all things!
• a day off social media
• singing with 6YO 
• playing with my new phone
• Wes teaching in ABF (adult Bible fellowship)
• the laundromat
• little girls dancing at laundromat
• graham cracker snack
• a love note in the snow dusting
• grocery shopping
• Wegmans White Christmas blend coffee
• an email from Holley Gerth re: God-Sized Dreams Team
• quiet in the library
  
  (Golden JoyDare)
• sunrise turning golden
• making pumpkin cookies
• golden wedding rings
  
  (JoyDare Hard Eucharisteo)
• consequences
• tears and headaches
• washing dirty dishes
  
• adults that will always be kids
• practical jokers
• good clean fun
• recounting memories
• "Progressive" dinner with ABF
• morning frost on fields, weeds and leaves
  
• lives MADE new
• testimonies SHARED
• goodly heritage PASSED ON thru generations
• baptisms at church
  
  (JoyDare AUTUMN)
• apple pie
• thanksgiving Indian costumes
• extra blankets
• vibrant sunsets
  
• bread machines
• baking pies
• hubby hanging Christmas lights
• an excursion to Sam's Club ... and Hobby Lobby
• Texas Roadhouse rolls
• Dark Chocolate with Mint
• Psalm 100
• turkey in the oven
• apples and walnuts in stuffing
• after dinner walk
• staying up late for #FMFParty
  
  (JoyDare in Christ)
• unending grace
• spiritual family
• hope, joy, peace (Rom 15:13)
  
• vintage jewelry
• early Christmas
• a working washing machine
• kids trying out new scooters
• leftovers
• buying new Christmas lights
• apple pie and vintage Fiesta dishes
  
• "Take time to be holy, ... spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone"
• excessive laughter with friends
• seeing 8 deer the night before hunting season began
• pajama day
• smooth day with hubby gone
• my dishwasher
• Vicks Vaporub
• sale prices
• HANDMADE scarves from MIL
• HAPPY moments of 4YO catching snowflakes on her tongue
• ending the day HOLDING my 6YO for some extra loving time

and the list goes on and on and I lose count!! :)

My daily battle for joy

I wrote this one October evening in my garage after I arrived home... just finally getting it up here on the blog, while I count gifts, count blessings, give thanks, and fight for joy.

 

The seasons are changing, they've already changed and I can feel the blues settling in right next to the cold down to my bones, down to my soul. It's pressing me down and I dread the winter. And I know I need to give thanks, even in this.

I take my son to karate one evening. It's getting dark earlier and if there is one thing I can't stand, it's driving in the dark. I feel my neck tighten, my shoulders contract and my back spasms. My eyes keep blinking, somehow assuming that I might be able to see better if I try harder. Twice in the outskirts of my high beams, I see the reflection of the deer's eyes in the farmer's fields and I give thanks in safety on the country roads and find joy in God's protection.

I read Ann's post---why the battle for joy is really worth it (twice) and I sob, literally tears streaming down my face. While I don't remember consistent anger or yelling in my past, it has seeped into my present and I don't want to leave this legacy for my kids. I snap, I shout, I cry, I ask for forgiveness. I keep fighting for joy, fighting to give thanks.

Maybe that's why Thanksgiving is this time of year; when the season's change and we have less light and the depression takes root. A reminder to continually give thanks to THE LIGHT, see His gifts and fight to find the joy, then share the joy.

and so I keep counting and I start another gratitude/gladitude journal and I pick up the JoyDare sheets again and I count, count, count... just keep counting (I'm just gonna post October thanks here, I'll be back with November next week).

891. blog posts from Ann Voskamp that make me cry... and keep counting
892. wind chimes
893. pumpkin spice coffee
894. thistles... that remind me of my mom

895. sleeping in
896. reading to my kids
897. a deer in the back field... at just the right time (it could be a whole nother blog post)

898. "tumbleweeds" from the boys
899. hug, kiss and a smile from my 6YO in the morning (she's not a morning person)
900. a thunderstorm
901. a bluebird out my porch window

902. French toast made with Texas toast
903. special order for a handmade birthday card

904. sharing a coffee with Wes
905. date night (Shakespeare play @BBC)
906. FREE Fun Day for community at church
907. hayrides, jugglers
908. laundromats
909. ice packs for aching backs
910. the power of healing prayers
911. finishing a project
912. pumpkins

913. Bible reading
914. actually completing house chores
915. warm sunny fall day
916. "Bob the Tomato" in the BBC pond

917. ombre colored trees

918. fresh highlights and a haircut
919. rain
920. family pictures... in said rain (by the fantastical Daniel Lanton)

921. lasagna soup/ fresh bread
922. writing class
923. laughter
924. friends that tell it to me straight
925. kids and "grand prix" cars and races

926. leaves dancing across the road

ALLUME THANKS (927-955) (no photos here, I will get some up in my recap post... someday)
enjoying a road trip with Donna
meeting online friends IN REAL LIFE
hearing "Bob the Tomato"
FMF Party LIVE
writing on voice
hearing others sharing their words
enjoying Avodah coffee
comfy pajamas
extravagant meals
amazing speakers, sharing their hearts
"The message, no matter what we write about is Jesus Christ, crucified" (@kjtanner)
time spent in the prayer room at Allume
cupcakes
open mic night in the (in)courage lounge

encouragement from Debi, Zohary, Katherine and so many others
silly moments, crazy moments
small may be big enough (@ProBlogger)
Monty Python reference (and re-enactment) with Logan
"Your target customer may not be you!" (@GussySews)
meeting Ann Voskamp ---she's a great hugger!

Saying goodbye with prayers to real friends
Seeing Jesus with skin on
safety in travels
welcome home hugs from my kids
being home again
pizza takeout with friends
a hot shower
being in Wes' arms again
anticipating a day off for kids

Giving thanks in the midst of Hurricane Sandy (956-982)
sleeping in
scrambled eggs for the kids
not losing power all day
words
grace, every day grace
protection in the storm
family Monopoly game
trip to Starbucks, Target, Perkins (for coffee, light, a hot meal)
extra blankets on beds
showers and laundry at a friend's house
cheese quesadillas for lunch
sharing tears with my dad (via phone)
provision of housing and meals -post Sandy
a college dorm adventure for the kids

library books
"reverse" trick-or-treating (bag of candy for my kids)

my daughter eating chocolate cake without a fork... the reminder to "Lose the Fork" and feast on Jesus

movie theater popcorn
free meals at the college while we were without power
snuggling with my girls during a movie matinee
internet access
free cappuccino from the Underground Cafe
childcare allowing me an hour of quiet
comfy pajamas
smiling all day long
fellowship with neighbors in lounge
redoing Five Minute Friday - Roots

stopping there for now... something tells me that I've reached 1000 in this month of November and I will be sure to share them with you soon! :)

Just thank God

Another two weeks come and gone and some slow counting of the gifts...  However God is gracious, full of lovingkindness and blesses me abundantly.  He keeps reminding me that giving thanks is where it's at.

I read this last week
Psalm 103
Bless the Lord, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases: Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies; Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

and this
Colossians 3:14-15 (the whole chapter is good, but these were some verses I focused on)
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.

and heard this song ...

Here are some of the lines... 

I live a good life
I love a great wife
Our kids are beautiful
We got friends
If I'm so Thankful
Why do I easily forget
oh, that You died for all of this

Should've been me
Should've been us
Should've been there hanging on the cross
All of this shame
All of these scars
Should've been stains That were never washed
Why do I hide
Why do You try over and over and over again
I guess it just leaves me saying "thank God"

and so I just keep counting

852. church, just so thankful for my church
853. adjusting to changed plans
854. a quiet college library
855. a friend lending a hand.
856. Starbucks Salted Caramel Mocha
857. ragweed bouquet from my daughter (quickly returned to the outside)
858. finding fun comfy shoes for Allume
859. finding a missing bag with some needed stuff
860. a new battery for the van
861. hubby's flexible job
862. Five Minute Friday --the one day I actually write
863. visiting a new shop... and buying new jewelry
864. Sunday dinner out
865. kids losing teeth
866. Wendy's frosty for the kids
867. my writing class ... I'm mostly loving it
868. bright Coleman lantern to read by when the power goes out.

and Starting October right by returning to the JoyDare for my #1000gifts list...
Find the October JoyDare here

October 1 gifts ORANGE:
869. pumpkins
870. trees in autumn
871. orange juice
872. glowing sunsets

October 2 FALLING:
873. leaves
874. rain
875. my kids' teeth falling out
876. falling into my bed at night!

October 3:
877. CAUGHT writing time tonight
878. when I LET my kids GO to Awana/learn verses.
879. Laughed at squirrel sitting MIDWAY across powerline

October 4 REAPED:
880. watching the farmers harvest fields
881. reaping benefit of prayer
882. discipline yielding the peace of righteousness.

October 5 RETURNED
883. going back to school for writing
884. kisses
885. hubby returning from work early to prepare for our evening. 

October 6 REDEEMED:
886. I've been redeemed
887. when I redeem my days with the right things!

October 7 BAKED, STIRRED, EATEN
888. breakfast cheesecake to share with church friends
889. stirring spaghetti sauce for dinner
890. angel creme donuts from Krispy Kreme to end the day...