Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Behind the Scenes of a quiet blog

crystalstine.me
The blog has been quiet for two weeks. I didn't mean for that to happen, but I knew it was inevitable. #31days of Chocolate in October burned me out, as well as life in general. ... and I had other things on my to-do list and no motivation or discipline to prioritize.

Blogging hit the bottom of the list.


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I did however, write the following for Five Minute Friday a few weeks ago... and it's still how I'm feeling. I wrote it out in ink on paper on that Friday and never got it posted on the blog. So I'm typing it now to remind myself of the TRUTH...

The truth is I almost wrote to say I was throwing in the towel and just quitting on blogging. It's not working for me right now. My writing, my dreaming, my thoughts are all a-jumble and I can't make sense of it all and I can't tell what is truth and what is lies.

I seek the truth in which direction I'm supposed to go, which dream I'm supposed to pursue, and then fear and doubt and busyness creep in and make me wonder if I'm doing the right thing. Some days it feels like I'm drowning and I can't catch my breath.

And then I hop in the van for kindergarten pick up and turn my radio on --it's a gift, this radio, because music is a gift and I heard this song... and these lyrics resonated with me...

"Whatever you do, just don't look back,
Somebody needs the light you have.
Whatever you do, just don't lose heart.
Keep on pushing back the dark."

Because the truth is, I've been pushing back on the dark for years now ---and it's that season when the dark comes fast and hard and long and my arms are tired of pushing and I'm not even sure my light is big enough to share with someone, I don't even know who needs it.

And on Monday, I'm all ready to choose joy and count the gifts and the devil comes in and says "no way, not on my watch" and he reminds me of all my failures and how I should be doing this and I should be doing that and when I strain to find the light and give it to others, he pushes back with more dark.

Maybe I'm supposed to stop blogging entirely.
Maybe I'm supposed to take a break for two weeks, 4 weeks, 2 months...
Maybe I'm supposed to leave this blog behind, forget about it and start a new work...

Truth is, I just want somebody to tell me what to do ... Can I be a kid again?


So behind the scenes of this quiet blog has been some canning (applesauce, pears, apple pie filling), card making (delightful Christmas card making), time with friends and family, and a whole lot of wasting time, too.

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And still the counting of the gifts...

~robins in the backyard... in November
~making cards... and listing them in my shop
~sharing a gingerbread latte with Wes
~fresh sheets on the bed
~"grace like rain falls down on me"
~music, music, music
~fresh bread (from the bread machine)
~free pears (which I finally canned)
~the beauty of dried corn fields
~counting pennies with my baby girl for homework
~sipping hot tea
~bacon
~purging my closet space
~Rotiserrie turkey
~apple crisp for breakfast
~talking to my dad
~praying with a friend
~laundry, laundry, laundry
~pre-registering for another semester of higher education...
~quiet in the library
~glorious sunrise
~real maple syrup
~free earrings
~making more cards!!!

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Community Conversation: What's on your to-do list today? and What are you thankful for?


12 comments:

  1. I don't know what to tell you to do, but I will tell you that I love you, immensely! Keep living your life girlfriend. You are a true gift.

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    1. So glad for the gift of you in my life! Your encouragment is a blessing every day!!!

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  2. Ah, I have so been there. I think it's this time of the year. Life gets crazy busy, and it can be one of the most depressing times while we are still expected to feel joyful and thankful. I can't tell you which direction to go, but I know God is faithful to answer our prayers. I'll pray that you get your answer. And, I love that song you posted! visiting from Behind the Scenes.

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    1. thank you for visiting... and for your prayers! It means so much!

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  3. Oh my you pretty much wrote out what I have been feeling too! I have so many ideas in my head, but so many other priorities that take precedent over my writing and blog. I desire to be a good wife, mother, and home keeper so I struggle with feelings of selfishness to pursue my dream of writing. I know that is totally from Satan because God has placed that dream in my heart. Thanks for sharing your truth today, and thanks for stopping by my blog which has lead me here today. A total God thing!

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    1. Thankful for those times when the truth of God's Word speaks louder than the enemy! Keep listing to Him!!!

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  4. Sending a hug, sweet friend! I'm so thankful for you! What Debi said...you are a gift, one I count as a blessing in my life! :)

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    1. Love your hugs and I am thankful for YOU!!!

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  5. I wish I knew the answer for you but I truly feel when we choose God's will for our lives - we experience profound peace. I use to blog a few years ago - had a good following then one day for Lent - stopped - for 4 years -- long break but it my focus changed and God had other plans at that time. Thank you for sharing today.

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    1. Yes, sometimes blogging is for a season. Thank you for your encouragement today

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  6. i think as a blogger you always question whether to quit or not - i've taken breaks but i know i'd miss it too much if i quit altogether~ this is just a really cray time of year. keep ON!!!! ;)))

    the words of that song are so true... somebody needs the light you have!!!

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    1. Breaks are good and often help with refocus! Whenever I think of quitting completely God sends someone to tell me what an encouragmeent my words have been... just have to find the blanace!! :)

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